Validation: to give official sanction, confirmation, or approval...At one point in my life I had been walking around like a beggar on the street holding a sign that said WILL YOU VALIDATE ME? I am aware that there are natural longing in the heart to be accepted, loved, and even wanted but this had become perverted in my life. I knew a handful of people who are called to similar things that I am called to. This handful of people have sat under some of the greatest Five Fold ministers in the body of Christ. They have been to the best internships, and have traveled the globe with the best of the best. Within my heart I wanted this so bad! I attempted to be in every internship possible. But every time the Lord shut the door, and said no.
I received a prophetic word over ten years ago that said “the anointing would teach you.” I also received a word around the same time that said “God has left you uncovered, this has been His doing.” At the time I didn't understand what this meant. I received the word, but in my heart I was still dissatisfied with my position. The position I am speaking of is just me and Jesus in my prayer closet. Him whispering revelations to me, having crazy encounters with Him, and Him causing the word to come alive like never before. Even as I write this it seems foolish to complain. But there was a wound in my heart, and that wound was a fatherless wound.
This wound manifested in my life in a variety of ways. One of the ways was the need to be validated. God has always taken a different route with me in my life. I didn't realize it until years late that I was a full time student in the School of The Holy Spirit. There are a few instances that come to mind, where I flaunted my gift before man hoping that they would see I had “the goods.” During that time, the lie I had believed was that I didn't have anything to offer but my gifting, and my talents. I was trying to gain approval through works before God and man. Even when I was chosen to operate in my gifting and I was in the in crowd (so to speak) I still felt empty. Time after time I found myself caught in this cycle of wanting this validation. I had literally become a validation junky! Just like any other addiction, you feel like you can't live with it, you get high, you come down and than you feel empty afterward.
Please don't misunderstand what I am saying here. I think being involved in internships and things like this are awesome.
I had to realize that Jesus delights in me, that even in my weakness He calls me lovely. The Lord begin to tenderly speak to my heart with His words of affection. He began to let me know just how He felt about me. The word says to know the truth and the truth will set you free. As these truths about His deep longings, and His deep affection began to wash over me I began to experience freedom. Along with this freedom correct prospective came. I realized that I wanted man to fulfill a void that Jesus wanted to fill. I was basically walking in idolatry, and we know how He feels about that. I am so glad that I serve a God who doesn't beat me over the head when I have it all wrong. He is so full of mercy, and compassion. He knew that this wound was in my heart, and He was faithful to draw near to me. The word says that He draws near to the broken hearted. Jesus began to show me that I didn't have to do these “good things” to get this attention or approval. This really begin to unfold after I had my own child. I loved her just because she was mine! She didn't have to jump through hoops to earn my love or to get my approval.
The fatherless wound can have many symptoms. I will share at a later time some of the other things that sprang from this wound. There are some processes that I am still walking through. But I am seeing the faithfulness of Jesus in my life like never before. He is so faithful to bring healing to EVERY broken place.
Because I was in the place where I wanted man to give me what Jesus had for me all along I started to withdraw. In this time of withdrawing I became insecure, my confidence level was low, and my love for His people wasn't where it needed to be. I received other prophetic words that brought me out of this cave of withdrawal I was in. So I can boldly say that I AM CALLED, CHOSEN, SET APART, APPOINTED, A MAN AFTER HIS OWN HEART, AND THE APPLE OF HIS EYE.
The beautiful thing is that I really mean it!
The beautiful thing is I don't have to dance around to get Him to like me!
The beautiful thing is YOU DON'T HAVE TO EITHER!!!!
